Colonoscopy Diet

Wow. It's been TEN MONTHS since I've blogged. I must have been too busy running and working out. lol. I should have blogged about losing ten more pounds and bordering on another pant size because since the cold weather, stress with work, and my mom's punkin' roll and my sister's cookies, I have gained ten total back. But have no fear, the colonoscopy diet begins today!

Yep, that's right, it's time to get the overdue colonoscopy.

I have the best husband in the world. (Yes, the subject is changing here fellow teachers, but it's a segue.) David told me last night I should maybe google 'colonoscopy prep' to see what I was in for today. I had some misconceptions. We've all had the shits, and with my past experience, I thought it was going to be like that. But no, google 'Miralax Dulcolax prep' and you will find that not only do you have to pace yourself in drinking the Miralax and Gatorade mix, it will start coming out faster than you drank it. One poster on a message board said it was "violent" and that you should set up camp in the bathroom for the day...have reading material, changes of clothes.

This morning, as I lie in bed wondering when four Dulcolax is going to have an effect (which is weird because I have the most predictable and effiecient system and was expecting it to wreak havoc in my gut) David is rustling around with cable cords. He set up the television in the bathroom and plugged in the little heater so I would be comfortable today. I have Direct TV in my poop room.

As he was leaving for work, he suggested that I weigh myself, then keep track of the amount of liquids I take in to get a true gauge of how much I lose today. Even the way he said that was nice, as opposed to saying we'd see how full of shit I am! He figured that with the half-gallon of Miralax and Crystal Light and the cup of tea I am having that it's about four pounds in. He said to keep track of all the water, broth, jello, and other clear stuff I can have today and he'd do the math tonight to see how many pounds go in, and how many come out. We'll see where I am at tomorrow morning when the prep is all said and done. He observed that I'd be getting a good jump-start on the New Year's diet. Well, yeah, doesn't everyone schedule their colonoscopies to give them a jump-start on a diet or look good for an event? He joked that I should write a book, The Colonoscopy Diet. It would be a really short book. So here's a blog. I won't keep you in suspense. ttyl.