Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Colonoscopy Diet?
If there is any weight loss with a colonoscopy, it's not eating for a day.....It's 5:00, and there wasn't as much action as I anticipated. So those of you who thought I was full of shit, you are officially wrong ;)
Colonoscopy Diet...hmmmm..
Three hours in and I'm a little disappointed, I think. The machine started turning, I got a little excited, but it's just kind of a letdown. I expected more.
Colonoscopy Diet
Wow. It's been TEN MONTHS since I've blogged. I must have been too busy running and working out. lol. I should have blogged about losing ten more pounds and bordering on another pant size because since the cold weather, stress with work, and my mom's punkin' roll and my sister's cookies, I have gained ten total back. But have no fear, the colonoscopy diet begins today!
Yep, that's right, it's time to get the overdue colonoscopy.
I have the best husband in the world. (Yes, the subject is changing here fellow teachers, but it's a segue.) David told me last night I should maybe google 'colonoscopy prep' to see what I was in for today. I had some misconceptions. We've all had the shits, and with my past experience, I thought it was going to be like that. But no, google 'Miralax Dulcolax prep' and you will find that not only do you have to pace yourself in drinking the Miralax and Gatorade mix, it will start coming out faster than you drank it. One poster on a message board said it was "violent" and that you should set up camp in the bathroom for the day...have reading material, changes of clothes.
This morning, as I lie in bed wondering when four Dulcolax is going to have an effect (which is weird because I have the most predictable and effiecient system and was expecting it to wreak havoc in my gut) David is rustling around with cable cords. He set up the television in the bathroom and plugged in the little heater so I would be comfortable today. I have Direct TV in my poop room.
As he was leaving for work, he suggested that I weigh myself, then keep track of the amount of liquids I take in to get a true gauge of how much I lose today. Even the way he said that was nice, as opposed to saying we'd see how full of shit I am! He figured that with the half-gallon of Miralax and Crystal Light and the cup of tea I am having that it's about four pounds in. He said to keep track of all the water, broth, jello, and other clear stuff I can have today and he'd do the math tonight to see how many pounds go in, and how many come out. We'll see where I am at tomorrow morning when the prep is all said and done. He observed that I'd be getting a good jump-start on the New Year's diet. Well, yeah, doesn't everyone schedule their colonoscopies to give them a jump-start on a diet or look good for an event? He joked that I should write a book, The Colonoscopy Diet. It would be a really short book. So here's a blog. I won't keep you in suspense. ttyl.
Yep, that's right, it's time to get the overdue colonoscopy.
I have the best husband in the world. (Yes, the subject is changing here fellow teachers, but it's a segue.) David told me last night I should maybe google 'colonoscopy prep' to see what I was in for today. I had some misconceptions. We've all had the shits, and with my past experience, I thought it was going to be like that. But no, google 'Miralax Dulcolax prep' and you will find that not only do you have to pace yourself in drinking the Miralax and Gatorade mix, it will start coming out faster than you drank it. One poster on a message board said it was "violent" and that you should set up camp in the bathroom for the day...have reading material, changes of clothes.
This morning, as I lie in bed wondering when four Dulcolax is going to have an effect (which is weird because I have the most predictable and effiecient system and was expecting it to wreak havoc in my gut) David is rustling around with cable cords. He set up the television in the bathroom and plugged in the little heater so I would be comfortable today. I have Direct TV in my poop room.
As he was leaving for work, he suggested that I weigh myself, then keep track of the amount of liquids I take in to get a true gauge of how much I lose today. Even the way he said that was nice, as opposed to saying we'd see how full of shit I am! He figured that with the half-gallon of Miralax and Crystal Light and the cup of tea I am having that it's about four pounds in. He said to keep track of all the water, broth, jello, and other clear stuff I can have today and he'd do the math tonight to see how many pounds go in, and how many come out. We'll see where I am at tomorrow morning when the prep is all said and done. He observed that I'd be getting a good jump-start on the New Year's diet. Well, yeah, doesn't everyone schedule their colonoscopies to give them a jump-start on a diet or look good for an event? He joked that I should write a book, The Colonoscopy Diet. It would be a really short book. So here's a blog. I won't keep you in suspense. ttyl.
Friday, March 12, 2010
thinking differently
Two months, ten pounds and one pant size....Wish it were more. On the up-side, I had a really bad food day yesterday, a result of a week from hell. It started last Friday with parent emails, the weekend was OK, then Monday came and more stress. The kids are off the wall; it's loud everywhere I turn all day; and dealt with more stress via parent emails and team meetings. Why was it "on the up-side"? Before I got serious about losing weight, what seemed like a bad food day was normal! Here I was yesterday feeling all bad about losing control, and then I realized that I've changed my way of thinking about food! Changing the way you think is harder than going on a diet and losing ten pounds, so I am pretty happy about that.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Hot Bod Day ?
Ok. Back to Square One. Too much fucking around with this or that. Restarting Day One today. Spent two weeks on the couch, basically. Then David made chicken dip yesterday, and it goes with tortilla chips. And I had mixed nuts instead of popcorn at the movies on Saturday when I shouldn't have had anything. Today, it's Osolean, Greek yogurt and blueberries for breakfast, protein and glycemic shake before lunch, which consisted of a salad with a few bites of leftover steak. Glycemic shake for snack, some vegetables and maybe some fish for dinner. Maybe just vegetables. If I didn't start so many diets over again I would be really skinny right now. Just sayin'. So, I am going to go now. Billy Blanks, my surgical shoe and I have a date. (You didn't hear that, Dr. Zirm...)
Monday, December 7, 2009
Hot Bod Day 8
Lots of obstacles in the way here. Not to get too personal, but, well, it's female issues...No one loses weight when their period is looming... Anyway, I went to the doctor today, and she told me to stop taking the PWLC shakes because of the hormones/soy isolates. I got results from blood work back and my progesterone is gone. Nil, nada, gone. Interesting. She told me to give up the artificial sweetners, aka, pop, that she'd rather have me drinking the sugar stuff than to drink that. I should be drinking the alkaline Kangan water they sell at the office. She wants me to try OsoLean, another powder to drink before meals, in addition to the Glycemic Foundation powder I drink between meals. I have to eat brown rice with ghee and fruit, along with an egg, slice of whole grain bread and chicken sausage for breakfast. My doctor admitted that she spreads on a few tablespoons of Sam's Club chicken salad on her bread as she goes out the door. Then salad and a sandwich for lunch, lite dinner, with Yogi Licorice Mint tea after dinner. That right there is enough to make me yak up dinner. So, this is it, we shall see.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Hot Bod, Day 1
Today begins Day 1 of my Hot Bod Makeover. I thought about treating it as a video blog, pretending I am on a Dr. Oz Challenge or something, but I don't have a web cam. Besides that, whenever I see myself in a mirror, I run....sideways....quickly. Why sideways? Think about it.
I have a feeling that I may have destroyed my metabolism over the years. I've been on a diet since I was 30. Really! It's been one after another. The first one was the "Cleveland Clinic"/Stewardess diet, also known as the "Three Day Army", the "Three Day Navy", the American Heart Association, Dr. Perricone, Dr. Christopher, "hot dog and ice cream" diet, where you eat weird combinations of food like red beets, saltines, tuna, canteloupe, cauliflower and, of course, hot dogs and ice cream. There was black coffee in there, too, but I'm not sure if that was to drink or do an enema with so I didn't do too well on that one. Then there was the caffeine diet. There were these little heart-shaped pills passed around in college that were just caffeine pills. Plain caffeine. I got headaches with those and people at work thought I was on drugs because I was hyper and never ate. Was really skinny, though, and to think I thought I was fat then! I tried to be bulimic once, before it had a name, but I can't make myself throw up...
I've been on Atkins, the Cabbage Soup diet, South Beach, and the Lemonade diet. I was also on the rum and diet Coke diet for a few months. I call that one the "Fortune" diet after some old friends who "started" it. I would have a few rum and cokes, some pretzels, and be too full for dinner. Sometimes I'd throw in some cheese for protein. The "Divorce/Prozac" diet worked. Slim Fast and working out like a fiend to conquer anxiety shed 30 pounds in two months, but I don't want to go there again.
Recently, I began going to a new doctor, a holistic doctor, who told me that I eat way too many carbs for my age. I take that to mean that my metabolism has slowed down and I don't burn calories as fast, so I shouldn't be consuming so many. (I should be under 100 per day; my favorite cinnamon crunch Panera bagel has 72 carbs alone, a once a month or so treat, but still!) The average person takes in around 300 per day. I'm wondering if it was my poor dietary history or the cruel joke played on women who hit 50. The joke being that throughout your forties, the metabolism slows at a rate that you really don't notice, nor do you notice the pounds that creep on as the result. Then again, I've gotten to be rather sedentary. I think I took Oprah a tad to literally when she said that when you get be a middle-aged woman, you can do what you want and what you don't want to do, you don't have to. The beauty of turning 50, yada yada. It was something to that effect. True, I don't have to exercise, but if you don't, there is nothing beautiful about 50, especially when your waist, bustline or your ass is approaching that number.
So, here I go, embarking on yet another attempt to shed pounds. I know, I know...It should be a "lifestyle change", something that will last, make a difference for the long haul. I will get there. In the meantime, I need to lose forty pounds by May so I can go shopping for a dress for Heather and Hank's wedding. i.e. desperate measures.
I was on the Physician's Weight Loss diet plan three years ago. It was hell the first week or two, but after that, I was energetic and felt great. It's a low calorie, low carb deal for the first ten days, then some whole grain carbs are added, kind of like South Beach, which is a very healthy diet and way of life. I'll continue with my Glycemic Foundation drink, coupled with the soy-isolate protein shake PWLC uses. We'll see. Check in next Monday. As my friend Emily put it, "Commence, Hot Bod!"
I have a feeling that I may have destroyed my metabolism over the years. I've been on a diet since I was 30. Really! It's been one after another. The first one was the "Cleveland Clinic"/Stewardess diet, also known as the "Three Day Army", the "Three Day Navy", the American Heart Association, Dr. Perricone, Dr. Christopher, "hot dog and ice cream" diet, where you eat weird combinations of food like red beets, saltines, tuna, canteloupe, cauliflower and, of course, hot dogs and ice cream. There was black coffee in there, too, but I'm not sure if that was to drink or do an enema with so I didn't do too well on that one. Then there was the caffeine diet. There were these little heart-shaped pills passed around in college that were just caffeine pills. Plain caffeine. I got headaches with those and people at work thought I was on drugs because I was hyper and never ate. Was really skinny, though, and to think I thought I was fat then! I tried to be bulimic once, before it had a name, but I can't make myself throw up...
I've been on Atkins, the Cabbage Soup diet, South Beach, and the Lemonade diet. I was also on the rum and diet Coke diet for a few months. I call that one the "Fortune" diet after some old friends who "started" it. I would have a few rum and cokes, some pretzels, and be too full for dinner. Sometimes I'd throw in some cheese for protein. The "Divorce/Prozac" diet worked. Slim Fast and working out like a fiend to conquer anxiety shed 30 pounds in two months, but I don't want to go there again.
Recently, I began going to a new doctor, a holistic doctor, who told me that I eat way too many carbs for my age. I take that to mean that my metabolism has slowed down and I don't burn calories as fast, so I shouldn't be consuming so many. (I should be under 100 per day; my favorite cinnamon crunch Panera bagel has 72 carbs alone, a once a month or so treat, but still!) The average person takes in around 300 per day. I'm wondering if it was my poor dietary history or the cruel joke played on women who hit 50. The joke being that throughout your forties, the metabolism slows at a rate that you really don't notice, nor do you notice the pounds that creep on as the result. Then again, I've gotten to be rather sedentary. I think I took Oprah a tad to literally when she said that when you get be a middle-aged woman, you can do what you want and what you don't want to do, you don't have to. The beauty of turning 50, yada yada. It was something to that effect. True, I don't have to exercise, but if you don't, there is nothing beautiful about 50, especially when your waist, bustline or your ass is approaching that number.
So, here I go, embarking on yet another attempt to shed pounds. I know, I know...It should be a "lifestyle change", something that will last, make a difference for the long haul. I will get there. In the meantime, I need to lose forty pounds by May so I can go shopping for a dress for Heather and Hank's wedding. i.e. desperate measures.
I was on the Physician's Weight Loss diet plan three years ago. It was hell the first week or two, but after that, I was energetic and felt great. It's a low calorie, low carb deal for the first ten days, then some whole grain carbs are added, kind of like South Beach, which is a very healthy diet and way of life. I'll continue with my Glycemic Foundation drink, coupled with the soy-isolate protein shake PWLC uses. We'll see. Check in next Monday. As my friend Emily put it, "Commence, Hot Bod!"
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